Music - Massive Attack - Teardrop
Last night I cried in front of the boyfriend for the first time. It was strange......and for no reason at all really......I was in one of my "mourning for the world" moods, when everything becomes so overwhelming that all you can do is let it out and then endeavour to return to a haze of meaningless consumerism and day to day local melodrama in an attempy to block out what a horrible person you yourself are for participating in this 1st world circus of consumption and greed.
Funny how a seemingly altruistic sentiment can become something else so swiftly. Are tears ever rational? The boyfriend certainly didn't seem to think so. He immediately came to the conclusion that I was annoyed with him in some way, and after initially hugging me and holding me (as universal crying friend code dictates) he retreated and was silent, and, unconsciously distant, and all becausehe couldn't comprehend that the reason for my outburst was as simple and as huge as sorrow for the ways of Western society.
And then on I went. Appreciating that its difficult to explain and understand, I tried to reason with myself, but almost straight away, the voice of insecurity began screaming in my head that he couldn't possibly be my "anam cara" if he didn't feel what I did.
In any case, it was all resolved very swiftly, and as usual we slept wrapped in eash other's arms, and awoke loving each other more than ever, as we seem to do every morning we wake up together.
So, was the whole episode symptomatic of my depressive mind, or is it just me being a girl?
Oh well, he's coming over to see me soon! I think we'll have ice-cream and watch Madagascar, which I bought for us on Thursday! A nice evening I think
